Dear Tiger,
Please shut the fuck up.
So you let the lust and hormones rage out of control and boinked every young filly from here to the Bahamas. So you betrayed your lovely wife, and in order to avoid paying half, apologized to everyone else but her. Guess what? We Don't Care.
There are more important things going down like the men and women putting their asses on the line in Afghanistan right now, giving their all, and if one of them goes down in a fight, it doesn't receive half of the media coverage that it should, and certainly not as much as your dumb sex kitten partaking ass.
It was an easier pill to swallow when you held your head up high with your winning smile and put a hole in one, I personally find it a lot more grating and annoying with your sad doe eyes and furrowed brow because you got caught putting one in a hole. We. Don't. Give. A. DAMN!!!!!
Do you not think that this issue in your life is handled better away from the camera's eye? Don't you owe it to your wife to try to handle this in private where it belongs? Don't you think we have more pressing issues than to listen to an apology that was probably drafted by some damage control speechwriter?
I tell you what. All is forgiven. Now get the fuck out of here.
Regards,
The Management
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